Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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