Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
