My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
