my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize