Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
