I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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