At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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