I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
