I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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