That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
