She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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