My first STD was from a foam party
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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