Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You're so nebulous sometimes
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
