I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
