when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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