But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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