I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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