I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
