I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
