it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
