Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
