it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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