So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
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The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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