You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
