Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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