I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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