Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
