I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
