thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
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chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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