Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
