It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
