tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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