Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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