Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
