so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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