please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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