I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
