He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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