Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
