that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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