my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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