So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
