my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
