hotel room ftw
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
