can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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