i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
