one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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