Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize