In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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