Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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