Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
