There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
