I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
