Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
