D3 body, D1 cock
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
