Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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