Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
People in love make me want to vomit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
