Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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