Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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