I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Your mouth is God's brothel.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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