he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
