I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You don't make any sense
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