Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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