so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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