omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
