I accidentally had phone sex last night
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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