my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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