I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
