hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
