the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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