i may or may not be watching the land before time
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how drunk are you?
Several
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
