Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
