dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
