her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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