It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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