What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
