this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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